Today is another day

Hey, I'm being good, I'm back!

I am a bit fed up to be honest of feeling crapy. I've been feeling dizzy, nauseous and exhausted for over 3 weeks now. I'm going to see the specialist today (the GP thinks its something to do with the labyrinth which are the trumpets in the ear which help us balance)so hopefully today is the first day to the road to recovery...but I am so fed up.

It has meant not going to work as I am not in a condition to do fuck all (excuse my french), which to be honest sucks as I have just started my work as an environmental business advisor which for a long long time seems like could be a career for me as I think I would not mind spending a long time working in this sector...let's keep the planet healthy! huray and all that.

Also, this has meant the end to my efforts to lose weight and keep fit by cycling half the way to work and back everyday, well 3 days a week, but at around 12 miles in total a day is not bad is it? I was really ejoying it actually and it sucks because I am so fed up with this lifelong battle to control my weight...I do not wish I did not like eating (its too good and makes me too happy) but I do wish was an exercise nutter or at least had an unreasonably fast metabolism...i mean come on, I've never wanted to be skinny just want to be slim and lovely...dress tight...be a little slutty tart (only in the dress sense) how about being a bit like marylin, now she was not skinny...so you get the idea....thid thing with women and weight is mad...even my mum who is a woman from the 70's all with the hippie stuff and with my so desired super fast metabolism (she has spent her entire life eating like a pig, although she does not see it that way and not doing any sports) has spent her entire life obsessed with weight!! or more something like volume. To the point of being very happy to argue and upset friends and family for what they eat or look like...I guess though everything comes back as since her menopause she is a bit overweight and can't seem to get round to it. Bless her...but she does deserve it.

Anyway, I don't deserve to complain as I am lucky really with my lovely people, my new house (only one week to go to the move), my lovely opportunity at work ...but somehow we alsways find something to complain about don't we?

This worries me, how we take things for granted, we don't seem to value anything and our ethics and morals are a bit down the drain...worrying. But it is so overwhelming to think about what we should each change so it would not be like this, in reality we should think about every act: do we need to buy/eat/watch/have/say/do this? if the decision is yes...where has it come from, what impact will it have and is there a way in which the negative impact would be minimised by what I do? there is a phylosophical bite for you...

Anyway, Why can't I be incredibly beautiful and fit without being full of myself, incredibly gratious and magnificently just and efficient and not lazy and good at concentrating...and just perfect....actually, what a bore, not better leave the flabs, the sillyness and all the rest and let me moan instead....